Vegas

Here we are... Las Vegas.

My sister is getting married and asked if I'd do the wedding. It's my first Vegas wedding. And no, I'm not going to wear an Elvis outfit (thank you... thank you very much).

Anyway, it's interesting here. Yes, it's Sin City. Sex everywhere. It right there, in your face. But you know the thing that bugs me the most is not that (as bad as it is), but it's the waist. It's the selfish, all about me, over the top, make me sick opulence.

I mean, here we are in a world where people die every day because they don't have food, water, the bear necessities of life. I mean a simple think like diarria (sp?) kills so many! And here I am in the middle of this hole in the universe that is sucking up so much of the world's resources in this vortex of narcissism and selfishness. It is truly repulsive.

It's like we've stepped into this emptiness where nothing is. That advertisement that says, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" is true because it's almost as if this is a non-place. The rules of fairness, social justice, have no place here. There in only one thing--ME.

Anyway, what I am I going to do with this experience? How am I going to let this form me? How am I going to let it form and shape my kids?

I'm not sure yet. But one thing it has re-stirred in my heart is a greater desire to impact my world for justice. It seems to me that somewhere along the Christian road we've kicked out this idea of justice and replaces it with the notion of judgment. God help us. Somewhere along the way we've strayed from the truth that God wants to redeem the world, not condemn it, not destroy it; and definitely not insulate us from its pains and injustices. Yet that's just what we've done in so many of our churches. We've built myopic monasteries that cater to my needs, my well being, my spiritual satisfaction. Really, when I think about it, it's not a whole lot different than Vegas. God help us.

Hearing from God

Have you ever heard from God? Oh, not in an audible way. But in a way that you know that this idea that just popped up in your thought wasn't from your own mind or imagination--it was divine.

Have you ever had that happen to you?

Yea, me too... just this morning as a matter of fact. But this time it was a kind of time-delayed voice. It was like God sneaking up behind me and whispers, "Remember what you heard way back in February? That was for you."

Back in February I was at a conference and one of the speakers said he was sitting in his office and it was as if God said to him, "You need to be more afraid of me than you are of your people." It thought that was pretty cool--it had nothing to do with his presentation, but it was pretty cool, so I wrote it down.

Well, today God reminded me of that, It was as if God came up beside me and said, "John, you need to be more afraid of me than you are of your people." It wasn't audible, but it was clear enough. It was unmistakably God.

I had to confess. I had to repent. I had to ask for God's forgiveness.

I also had to ask for God's help.

I am so tied to people's approvals. I want to be liked. I want people to like what I say and always speak well of me. But not at the cost of God's disapproval. And that's been the problem, I think. I've been more afraid of what others think about me, and less concerned with what God thinks about me. I don't want to rock the boat, even though God is saying, "It's time to jump ship. It's time to get out of the boat."

I'm sure it's going to take some courage... I'm sure it's going to take some faith... I'm sure it's going to take a lot of praying... and I'm sure I'll stumble on the way.... but I'm done with being afraid of people and what they think.

God called me, not people. God has commissioned me, not people. God has ordained me, not people. I am God's, not theirs. And I seek God's approval above all else.

Distractions

I've been thinking about distractions lately. Maybe it's because I've been fighting through so many of them lately. But it seems to me that Satan loves distractions. It keeps us from focusing on Kingdom work.

Lately there has been a lot of distractions. Satan has been extra busy. The Devil has been hard at work in people's lives. He uses people that way. And he does so all in the name of truth. But it's not truth, it's a lie. After all, he is the father of lies.

But he sucks people in. They don't even know it--until it's too late. And sometimes I wonder if even then. Some folks live a delusion that has tainted the whole world to them. Not only are they distracted, but they have become the distraction. Satan wins.

But, of course, in the end Satan never wins--God does.

It's funny how these distractions seem to mean less and less over time. They become little more than a bee sting that hurts at first, maybe even swells up and festers; but eventually it fades away and is forgotten.

I guess when I think about it, these distractions amount to little more than the desperate roar of a lion who has lost his teeth. It makes a lot of noise, scares a lot of people, but is relay pretty powerless. The sad thing is how many folks want to take up the lion's roar. The sad thing is... how many people run and never look to see how toothless and powerless these roars really are.

I suppose what I'm saying is: I'm tired of being distracted by the pride (think double meaning here) of toothless, powerless, lions roaring away in the Devil's den. Let them roar. I am no longer listening. Like Nehemiah up on the wall, I'm too busy doing what God has called me to do to be distracted anymore. I will not come down, there's more important things to do.

Like sharing the good news of God's love and grace.

Like being Christ to others.

Like bringing the Kingdom of God to my little corner of the world.

Tired

I'm tired.

Not sleepy tired, but tired of taking two steps forward only to be knocked backwards 10.

Tired of struggling to be true to God, only to be called a heretic.

Tired of fighting. Tired of arguing.

Tired of trying of embracing people only to find a knife deep in my back.

Tired of being hurt. Tired of the pain.

Is it worth it anymore? Does anyone care? Should I even care if anyone cares?

Does God care?

Sometimes I feel like Job surrounded by his wonderful friends. Sometimes... but most of the time I just feel alone.

I'm just tired, and I tend to get apathetic when I'm tired.

Cool! An eagle just flew by--spiraling over the trees in front of the church. "They will sore on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I'm still tired. I'm still weary. I still feel faint. But maybe ... maybe it's okay.