Forgiveness

I've avoided writing this for a while now. I'm not sure if it's because I wasn't ready, or if it's because I hadn't felt safe enough.

Still don't know if I'm ready. Still don't know if I'm safe enough. But I need to write this anyway. I need to get this out there for my own soul.

After all that's what forgiveness is about... that's what forgiveness seems to affect the most--our own soul. We forgive in order to be free. We forgive in order to grow. We forgive in order to be cleansed.

I need to be free. I need to grow. I need to be cleansed.

Sometimes hurts go very deep. Sometimes hurts go so deep they actually bring about a death. Sometimes that death can fester into something vile and unclean. I don't want that to happen to me. That's why I need to write this. That's why I need to forgive.

...forgive the hurt.

...forgive the wrong.

...forgie the death.

I'm not sure if I'm ready because I still hurt. I'm not sure if I'm safe enough because I still feel the pain of being wronged. I'm not sure if I can becasue there is still a part of me that feels like it's been murdered.

Rob Bell talks about forgiveness as walking away. He says it's about making the choice not to carry the guilt of an offence any longer. He says it's about setting it down and then walking away from it.

I want to walk away. I want to move on. I want to be cleansed.

As I thought about that whole idea of walking away it struck me that the further you walk away from something the smaller it becomes. That gives me hope. It gives me the hope that even though it still hurts, the hurt will become smaller the more I walk. It gives me hope that even though the wrong is still raw and exposed, it will become smaller and healed over time as I continue to walk after Jesus.

I think that's the key. It's not just walking away in any old direction. It's walking away in the way of Jesus. It's walking in the Jesus way. And the Jesus way is the way of life--abundant life.

So I suppose what I'm doing in writing this is I'm setting the hurt down. I'm letting go of the wrong, releasing the pain, forgiving the offence. I am turning away from it. And I am walking after Jesus.